Breakaway ...

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In June 2012, I was graduating from high school. 10 years ago I found myself hating the world, feeling lost, and not knowing what to do or what was in store. Before June 15th, 2012 I was set to go to Mexico, I didn't know what was in store other than I was leaving to pursue my college degree that all my teachers promised me I could achieve if I just tried hard enough, not knowing my legal status said otherwise. I felt trapped and confused this whole year. 

For some reason, I had Kelly Clarkson playing on Pandora, and Breakaway started playing. I started crying because I could feel each word she was singing. All I wanted to do was move, leave, "take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway..." I felt every word. I kept dreaming of what my life would be like. I was depressed because for a small moment I did know what I wanted and where I wanted my life to go, but then I didn't DACA was announced, my plans were forced to change again, and once again I was wondering what I was going to do. 

I remember some fun times, going out with my boyfriend I had at the time, and enjoying time with my friends during the gap year I took, but most nights I cried because I felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn't "living to my potential". I felt the pressure from everyone to see what I was going to do until I finally decided to apply to JCSU. 

I didn't know how much my HBCU would shape and change my life. I tried to commit suicide multiple times as a teen and was depressed most of my college career. Every time I felt stuck or sad I went back to Kelly's Breakaway and wished so much I could pack my things and leave, move somewhere no one knew me and start a new life. I think many of us go through that moment of wanting to just disappear and start brand new. Never did I imagine I actually would move to a new place and start from scratch. 

I didn't disappear like I wanted to, but I did move back to Mexico with the love of my life, and if I could only go back and hug 18 year old me, and tell her it all works out, and give her a hug and wipe her tears away I would in a heart beat. 

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