Motivation...

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The last few weeks have been rough. Rico has named them my "blue period" lol. Honestly, I'm not even sure what made me so sad. I really thought I was okay, but my body made a huge point of letting me know I wasn't. I feel most of my emotions in my stomach and I ended up getting really sick 2 weeks ago, and that was not fun. Anyway, I don't know what it was, it was more a mixture of things that were making me sad. 
Like many folks in our community, I was feeling "homesick" I was missing my mom and wished I could just get in my car and drive to her house and just watch TV with her, but sadly that is not my reality. I was missing my friends. I was feeling super lonely. There were days were I didn't talk with anyone besides Rico, and as much as I love him, he gets on my nerves too lol. I was also feeling sad about the miscarriage I had in 2019. 
I know it's been almost 5 years since it happened, but that's what made me think of it. I was finding myself imagining what my life would look like right now had I not lost the baby. How at one point, even though I would deny it, I longed to be a mother. I was feeling like something was missing and it was making me feel so miserable. I wasn't eating right, I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't doing much of anything but disassociate and imagine what life would be like with Alex (what we named the baby we lost). 

Then slowly, as spring approached, my depression started to hide again. My friend asked me to dog sit, and a few weeks after that I was offered to adopt a beautiful puppy. My sister-in-law told me I should definitely adopt it since adopting her cat had helped her mental health, and I was sold. Rico and I will become fur parents in a couple of days and I could not be more happy. The past 2 weeks dog sitting have been a great practice and I am finding myself looking forward to life again and not just daydreaming of a life that could have been. 

Finding joy in life has been something I have been struggling with, but I am optimistic. I hope that with the end of the winter, I will be able to start flourishing again. 

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