The easy way out

When I was little, people would asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up; my answer was a Pediatrician, up until I was in high school. I didn’t just want to be a Pediatrician, I wanted to work in St. Jude Children’s Hospital. I wanted to help those kids that battled with cancer, but as I grew up I learned I didn’t like two things: I didn’t like bodily fluids, and I didn’t like to hear kids cry. As time passed by I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do - I just knew I didn’t want to disappoint my 5 year old self.

My senior year in high school, when I was deciding where to go to college, I didn’t really have a plan on what I wanted to major in. I just knew I wanted to do more, and I wanted to go to college. With my struggles of going to college I was more and more unsure of what I wanted to be. I was told if I majored in STEM, I’d get more scholarship money, and so not knowing what I wanted to do anyway I did. I decided I’d be a computer science systems and information major. I had no idea what that was, but it would get me more scholarship money and at that moment that’s all that mattered.

Your first year in college you don’t really take any classes in your major, you take the basics, and one of the basic classes needed for that major was coding. I had played around with Java while in high school, I knew what coding was and thought it was okay. In the class I took we were learning C#, and I hated it. It was more tedious than Java, and I just was not interested. I looked at all the classes I had to take to complete the major and the business classes on there were just a no for me. Now don’t take me wrong I enjoyed math at one point in my life. Throughout K-12 I preferred math and science over English. I hated English classes, mostly because I have dyslexia and nobody noticed it until I was in 3rd or 4th grade.

I was behind in reading and writing and in elementary I had to go to summer school a few times. It wasn’t for me, but math on the other hand was a language that I understood. The numbers never moved around and I enjoyed math. In high school when I was taking Algebra, I loved problems that took an entire page to solve. Maybe it had to do with my math teacher because when he’d give us a math problem that took so many steps to answer he would get super excited, so I’d get excited about it too. Science was pretty interesting for me as well, but again I think it was just the teacher. I had Honors Chemistry and for who knows what reason I also took AP Chem with the same teacher. I loved it, wasn’t too good, but enjoyed the class nonetheless. I honestly think my favorite class in high school was Project Based Science, and it was because I was good at it. He would give us bridges to build, robots to code, and obstacles to get our robots through, and I absolutely loved it. To me they were all simple puzzles and I was able to solve them with no problem, so you see majoring in STEM wasn’t too far fetch for me.

Now back to being in college, all that love I had for math and science kind of disappeared. Like I said I’m convinced it was mostly the teachers. I took some science class in college and thought it was supper easy but my classmates struggled, and the professor always called on me and so I felt like the rest of my classmates didn’t like me. Weird thoughts to have in college but they were there. I was in some math class and it was my favorite. Again, maybe because of the professor, but I really enjoyed that class and when I switched majors, she was the only STEM professor to talk to me about why I was switching out. I enjoyed most of the classes, but I couldn’t do the coding it wasn’t for me and the business classes were just an extra reason not to continue. I was lost once again.

Unfortunately, the Education department no longer existed at the university I was at, but I found my way to the English department. I was told to talk to the department chair to see if English was a good major to switch to. I found his office and went to talk to him, and he intimidated me. Nobody had told me anything bad about him, but for some reason I was just intimidated by him, and for a second questioned if I was making the right decision. We talked and he turned out to be one of my favorite professors on campus. After my Sophomore year I interned for Freedom School Partners, and fell in love with it and it helped me with my decision to become a teacher.

I came to that decision mostly because I wanted to help kids. I wanted to be that purposeful teacher they never forgot. I wanted to be the one that sparked something inside and motivated them to be the best version of themselves. Like many teachers, at one point I contemplated if I was making the right decision. My 3rd and last year interning with Freedom School Partners was my most difficult one. I cried so many times, I questioned my ability to be in a classroom, and questioned if becoming a teacher was the right thing to do. Regardless after I graduated (double majored in English and Spanish) I became a Spanish teacher at mt local high school, although if you look at the yearbook for that year it says I was a science teacher. It was the best year of my life, not because I was a great Spanish teacher, honestly, I doubt my students learned anything, but because I was able to help and motivate many of my students.

Now that I’m in Mexico I really question if teaching was the right choice. I don’t enjoy it as much as I did when I was teaching Spanish. I’m not being a purposeful teacher. Which brings me to my initial thought. Am I a teacher simply because it was the easy way out? Teaching isn’t an easy job, but for me it is because I can do it with ease. Not being conceded, but I know I can make a fun and engaging lesson plan in a matter of minutes. I like to talk, so I know I can find a way to engage my students. Most days I teach without making lesson plans and my students tell me how much they feel they learn with me.

For me teaching is something I am able to do with ease, so did I become a teacher because I wanted the easy way out?

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