Identity
Back in August, I started a course to get me TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certificate. I went down to Mexico city and one of the days I was there I was having a conversation with some of my classmates and our instructor about our identity. I remember one of my classmates had mentioned how she didn't know how to identify herself after she came back to Mexico after living so many years in the US, and so everyone was chiming in how they identify as Mexican, Latino/a (no one used the Latinx term) or simply citizens of the world.
A few months later that same classmate that was struggling with her identity and I were having a conversation and she told she admired me for adapting so fast to living in the Motherland, and I took her compliment but also had to tell her I wasn't fully adapted, I had just learned to live here. We then started talking about her son who had recently started asking her questions about why they speak English and the rest of their family doesn't. She asked me if my husband and I spoke English or Spanish when we were in public, and I told her we spoke English all the time.
She was shocked because she had received mean comments about it, and how she still felt like she didn't belong sometimes, even though she has been here longer than I have. So here's my outlook about all of this.
My husband and I speak English 90% of the time because we consider English to be our first language. No, we are not ashamed of speaking Spanish, but when you live in the US for over 20 years, you tend to speak more English than Spanish. It doesn't mean we can't it simply means we are more comfortable speaking English and we can express ourselves better. We don't care what other people say about us because we know we are not fully Mexican. We didn't grow up here, didn't go to school here, and in different ways, we were forced to lose part of our Mexican roots in American schools.
I identify as Mexican-America because I love my Mexican culture and food, but I can't identify with many Mexican women because I grew up learning to be independent. Now, I don't want to generalize, but where I live I constantly have to hide my tattoos, watch the way I talk, and sometimes know when I shouldn't talk because "it's not my place". I love living in Mexico but I certainly stand out in most places I go.
One thing I have learned for sure is that your identity can always change, and that is okay. I went from identifying as an undocumented immigrant to a DACAmented student, to simple Mexica-American. I have embraced both places, both cultures, and have learned to not care what others think of me.
A few months later that same classmate that was struggling with her identity and I were having a conversation and she told she admired me for adapting so fast to living in the Motherland, and I took her compliment but also had to tell her I wasn't fully adapted, I had just learned to live here. We then started talking about her son who had recently started asking her questions about why they speak English and the rest of their family doesn't. She asked me if my husband and I spoke English or Spanish when we were in public, and I told her we spoke English all the time.
She was shocked because she had received mean comments about it, and how she still felt like she didn't belong sometimes, even though she has been here longer than I have. So here's my outlook about all of this.
My husband and I speak English 90% of the time because we consider English to be our first language. No, we are not ashamed of speaking Spanish, but when you live in the US for over 20 years, you tend to speak more English than Spanish. It doesn't mean we can't it simply means we are more comfortable speaking English and we can express ourselves better. We don't care what other people say about us because we know we are not fully Mexican. We didn't grow up here, didn't go to school here, and in different ways, we were forced to lose part of our Mexican roots in American schools.
I identify as Mexican-America because I love my Mexican culture and food, but I can't identify with many Mexican women because I grew up learning to be independent. Now, I don't want to generalize, but where I live I constantly have to hide my tattoos, watch the way I talk, and sometimes know when I shouldn't talk because "it's not my place". I love living in Mexico but I certainly stand out in most places I go.
One thing I have learned for sure is that your identity can always change, and that is okay. I went from identifying as an undocumented immigrant to a DACAmented student, to simple Mexica-American. I have embraced both places, both cultures, and have learned to not care what others think of me.
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